


the prelude: enter bucky barnes

by KingLear



Series: it's you, it's me [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, M/M, Politician Steve Rogers, Younger Bucky Barnes, and they were soulmates (and they were SOULMATES), but its a start, healing is not easy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-09 13:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingLear/pseuds/KingLear
Summary: In this life, pain begets pain, and Bucky Barnes has never been that much of a masochist. Surely, it's time for a change?





	the prelude: enter bucky barnes

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to:
> 
> The Little Prince - Ryeowook

Bucky's glad to have Natasha by his side as he does this; her watchful eyes have always made him feel safe, no matter what type of dumb shit he did. She was always his sort of guardian when it came to making sure that he didn't accidentally kill himself. Which is what she'd be watching him do over the past few years. Over a dumbass guy who didn't really even love him, or even the idea of him. 

 ~~Steve.~~ The guy hated even looking at their shared soulmarks, as if it were some disease that would infect him from the inside out, as if Bucky was an overgrown parasite on his arm to just cut off. Bucky was young and dumb, but he wasn't stupid enough not to see how unwanted he was in ~~Steve Rogers~~ ' perfect cookie cutter life. A wife, two kids, and the government at his feet. Bucky's place was error not found, because it simply didn't exist.

There wasn't any room for him to even squeeze through. Not that he was sure he even really wanted to.

Maybe at the beginning, when things were bright and hazy, the dazzling starshine of meeting the one who was supposed to  _complete_ you no matter which or what way had blindsided him to the reality of the situation he was in, but not anymore. He would not let himself be wilfully blinded. 

"You okay, Yasha?" Natalia asked, her voice neutral even though her eyes gave her worry away. He didn't know what type of good karmic debt he'd done in his past life to have such a good friend in her, but he knew that even she came with limitations. There was only so much of his shit that she could shovel before she realised that he was a toxic self-absorbed person with too many problems to count on both fingers and toes, and bailed. Not that he would blame her, really.  

"I will be, once I get rid of this," Bucky stuck his jaw out at his ribbon-covered wrist. 

"You'll get through this," She kissed his long hair and Bucky took in her comforting scent of ginger and strawberries before relaxing his tensed shoulders. "It's a new beginning." 

The tattoo artist was a grungy girl with too many piercings too count, and a dark blue mohawk with tattoos that scoured her face and the rest of her body. "I'm going to numb the part with the mark now," She held out her hand, patiently and Bucky slowly took off the ribbon that hid his ugly soulmark, before laying it in her palm. He commended her for her lack of reaction, although he wondered if that came down to too much experience with people like him or if she just hid her interior reactions very well. 

It was hard to tell, but Bucky was too tired to try and even deduce. Once upon a time, he would have made it a game to find out what people hid behind their masks, but that was a quickfire way to get yourself burned  _badly_ , as Bucky had been forced to learn. Now, he just wanted to duck his head down, and let it be over and done with. 

He watched as she put the inked needle close to his skin like a hawk-eye, lazered into the steadiness of her smooth strokes; each stroke wiping out the existence of that terrible word away. If Bucky wasn't forced to confront the reality of his estrangement with his soulmate everyday, it would have been worrying how broken and grey the word was.

'Temptation _.'_

What a fucking word.

When he'd been little and had inquisitively asked his mother what she thought it had meant, her beautiful flush face had paled to a grim white. She'd told him that it meant that he deserved better than what the world had to offer him, and to finish all of his sandwich if he wanted more time on the computer. She was confusing but his mother had always been beautifully strange, otherworldly. 

He grit his teeth as she ran the ink gun over his wrist but otherwise forced calm breaths through his nose. 

"What are you going to do now, Buck?" Natalia asked him, her voice not louder than the buzzing of the tattoo gun, and the old rock and roll music playing in the background of the shop. 

"What I always do," Bucky coolly responded, tracking the explosion of the different shades of orange and pink. "I'm going to survive this. I'm going to survive him and whatever the hell he's sure to throw my way, even if he gets his  _wife_ involved."

"You seem too calm about this," She rebutted, running a hand through his long hair. He'd only kept it long because  _he_ had always lovingly tugged it, kissed a strand as he looked adoringly at him with those stupid blue eyes.

"I'm screaming eternally on the inside but what's new." He smiled dryly, an itch underneath his skin, restless, "Also, I'm going to shave my hair bald if I ever see it this length, ever again."

Like a true champ, Natalia took it in stride, "I think buzzcut will suit you well."

He loosens the grip his teeth has on his busted lips, "Thanks, Nat, I owe you."

She just shakes her red ringlets and ruffles his hair, "Just give me your bed whenever I come round, and we'll be even."

"Deal."

It's a few hours later when the tattoo artist is finally done with his cover-up.

It's a phoenix. And yeah, it's cheesy as hell, but his life has been a rollercoaster of a Hallmark movie as of late, what's one more obvious symbolism for the road? The phoenix stares back up at him, violent and intense in its colour, but a serene face with an almost Mona Lisa smile stares back up at him. ~~Steve~~ probably would have a million and one things to say about it. 

"Are you ready, Buck?"

"Yeah, I'm ready." 

He still hurts but there isn't any other way than to go forward.

At the very least, he owes it to himself to try.

**Author's Note:**

> this universe is a way for me to cope with the fallout of endgame for stucky. It's another universe where Bucky has always been Steve's greatest love of his life but happy endings are not always guaranteed. In fact, this is most definitely not going to have a happy ending with how I'm feeling with the resolution of Steve's character arc. Maybe this is just me punishing the character, but I'll try to make this not a character-bashing fic part. Because I still love Steve Rogers (just not the one that was shown to me at the end of Endgame)
> 
> (on a side note, this fic has been inspired by another fanfic from an unrelated fandom. its called 'meet me by the flowers' https://archiveofourown.org/works/16372853 It's incomplete but I still find it beautifully poignant)


End file.
